a not so happy phase

i
feel
stressed out
miserable
hurt
torn
frustrated
skeptic
suffocating
self destruct
.......................

at this time..
i dont take promisses..
klua telinge kanan masuk telinge kiri..
cuz everything are subject to changes..
and usually the promises wont be fulfill..
but are forgotten by time..
...........................

life after school, (at this phase) sucks more than i imagined.. its been two months, and now the time is crawling to make it into 3..the situations..

[rindu kawan - x leh jumpe]
[nk join r2j - aku dok bp]
[nak g jb - x diberi izin naek bas]
[driving licence - gle lame tah bile baru dpt tah]
[nk buat reunion skola - contacts x cukup]
[nk bli brg - x de duit]
[x de duit - x leh keje]
[nk buat bisnes - modal x de]
[nk cari modal - xde org nk invest]
[duk umah asyik lapar - maka asyik makan]
[vacation after spm - forget it, never going to happen]
[nak gardening - x leh gali tanah]
[ade tv - x leh tgk slalu]
[da nk tlg - kena kate x bley dhrp]
[ade lmn umah yg besar and luas - x leh buat decor]
[nk pilih u - lg serabut kepale otak aku..]
[i've been given a responsibility that i'm not cut out for]
[badan penat, sakit n tension]
[nk buat aktiviti yg da rancang - x bole klua umah]
[rindu usrah ngan tazkirah and kp too..]
[rindu geng, class ngan batch]
[rindu bonda di skolah:u.hawanis&u.zuraidah]

and i'm forcing myself to be and feel...
[strong in crushing moments]
[sympathy]
[patience]
[optimist]
[enduring]
[thinking rasionally]
[and others]
....................