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Sunday, January 2, 2011

sometimes i wonder


Ya Rabb,
hear me out

resentment
hatred
injustice
anger
smothered
smoldered
denial
fury
frustration
are some of those that are eating me alive

sometimes i wonder
i loved and cared for some people with all my life
but why dont they love me?

sometimes i wonder
why cant i make it right ?
why do i keep disappointing the people who cared for me the most ?
even when its unintentional

sometimes i wonder
why do people do bad things to me ?
are they going to be punish later on ?
or is this my punishment?

sometimes i wonder
am i the only human that go through a dark phase in life ?
why is it, during this phase
suddenly people became curious about me ?
and when they ask,
it always end up sounded like a sarcasm ?


sometimes i wonder
there are some people that i respect
but they cant seem to respect me
i was not taken seriously
they treated me like a joke
they make me feel so insignificant
am i that meaningless ?
am i that unwanted ?

sometimes i wonder
i do believe that we must not hurt each other
but
do people think i dont own feelings ?
do people think i am cold hearted to begin with ?
:'(

sometimes i became
so vulnerable
so lonely
so empty
so lost
because the world is so brutal
and it can came to a level of beyond my ability to bare
and its killing me bit by bit

yes, sometimes
i do sound and appear like suicidal
is it true?
i dont know
however,
i do know that,
my hearts always whisper that,
"..dear Lord,
i'm just a servant
i'm Your servant
as life goes on,
there are more obstacles to come
and to overcome it
i have to always depend on You
as you know me even to every single heartbeat
even when no one else gets me
and even when,
when no one else listen or give a damn.."

and that is the line that became a barrier
for me from doing things
that i might regret






2 comments:

NisaDesu! said...

sumpah i like this one :')

rafolian::::~ said...

thanks dik. :D ngee..