sometimes i wonder

Ya Rabb,

hear me out

resentment

hatred

injustice

anger

smothered

smoldered

denial

fury

frustration

are some of those that are eating me alive

sometimes i wonder

i loved and cared for some people with all my life

but why dont they love me?

sometimes i wonder

why cant i make it right ?

why do i keep disappointing the people who cared for me the most ?

even when its unintentional

sometimes i wonder

why do people do bad things to me ?

are they going to be punish later on ?

or is this my punishment?

sometimes i wonder

am i the only human that go through a dark phase in life ?

why is it, during this phase

suddenly people became curious about me ?

and when they ask,

it always end up sounded like a sarcasm ?

sometimes i wonder

there are some people that i respect

but they cant seem to respect me

i was not taken seriously

they treated me like a joke

they make me feel so insignificant

am i that meaningless ?

am i that unwanted ?

sometimes i wonder

i do believe that we must not hurt each other

but

do people think i dont own feelings ?

do people think i am cold hearted to begin with ?

:'(

sometimes i became

so vulnerable

so lonely

so empty

so lost

because the world is so brutal

and it can came to a level of beyond my ability to bare

and its killing me bit by bit

yes, sometimes

i do sound and appear like suicidal

is it true?

i dont know

however,

i do know that,

my hearts always whisper that,

"..dear Lord,

i'm just a servant

i'm Your servant

as life goes on,

there are more obstacles to come

and to overcome it

i have to always depend on You

as you know me even to every single heartbeat

even when no one else gets me

and even when,

when no one else listen or give a damn.."

and that is the line that became a barrier

for me from doing things

that i might regret